when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
