Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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