What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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