It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
