ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize