is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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