and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
