Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need to align my fucking chakras
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
