so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize