1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
