If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
