he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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