btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think i have two assholes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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