Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
