youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
