return my video game
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
