She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
