I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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