Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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