my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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