I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
