I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
