Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
