Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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