dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
