No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
