The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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