Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize