Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
