therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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