I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
