Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
