new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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