Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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