so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
