i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize