Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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