i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
