Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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