Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
