Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
