69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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