wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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