Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
