I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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