I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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