THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You made out with two different species that night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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