I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
