I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
