so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
