I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
