My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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