3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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