He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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