No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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