You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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