I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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