Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
