Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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