Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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