Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize