Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
